Halloweentown

The plot: On Halloween, The Piper family is visited by their whimsically odd grandmother Aggie (Debbie Reynolds!). The eldest, Marnie, overhears a conversation between her mother and grandmother in which she discovers:

-Grandma Aggie is a witch, as is Marnie. Her mother is also a witch, but has chosen to live in the mortal world and raise her children as normal humans. 

-Something mysterious and sinister is happening in Halloweentown, an alternate universe where a community of friendly fantasy creatures live free from human's discrimination. Aggie asks for the mom's help, but she declines.

Grandma returns to Halloweentown, with Marnie and her younger brother Dylan secretly following her onto the return bus. Sophie, the youngest sibling, follows Marnie and Dylan. With the help of  the super-friendly and not at all ominous Mayor, they make their way to Grandma's house.

Before Aggie can begin to teach Marnie about witchcraft, as well as have the children assist in defeating the evil power, mom shows up and attempts to bring the children home. While attempting to leave Halloweentown, Aggie and their mother wind up battling the evil power, and are put out of commission. Now it is up to the Piper kids to rescue their family and save Halloweentown.

My thoughts: I don't remember that many Disney Channel Original Movies, but I remember this one. Halloween for me, and most kids, was one of the best nights of the year. To have a movie that takes place in a town where monsters are real (but friendly), and it's Halloween all the time? Genius. And although The Nightmare Before Christmas did this first (to great effect), these are two very different movies in my mind. Anyways...

The script itself is mediocre, but the story is interesting. The pace is pretty good. The sight gags are fun, as well as anytime the movie explores the world of Halloweentown.

this sight gag and the Lon Chaney reference both made me very happy.

Probably my biggest complaint is the special effects. This is the first Disney Channel movie to use CGI, given the fantasy nature of the film, and it's real iffy sometimes. There are some practical effects being used (Yay!), and even when the practical effects aren't great they are still better than the CGI. I can't be too harsh because I'm sure they had a small budget. And most of it was probably used getting Debbie Reynolds.

Speaking of the actors, everyone seems to be having a good time. Again, all of the characters are likable. The brother was a stick-in-the-mud, but I ended up liking him by the end. The mom and the Mayor (Judith Hoag and Robin Thomas, respectively) are clearly having fun, as well as committing to their roles. I've always found that if you want to sell your world of high fantasy or science-fiction to an audience, you best get some decent and committed actors to assist with the audience's willing suspension of disbelief. And these two do well in that respect.

Debbie Reynolds is obviously having a blast, and is the highlight of the film. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Debbie Reynolds, she is most known for playing Kathy in Singin' in the Rain. And if you have not seen Singin' in the Rain, what are you doing still reading this blog? Go. Watch Singin' in the Rain. I'll wait.

the best.

Halloweentown is definitely a good setup for some sequels to happen. And guess what? There are sequels! But I will get to those when I get to those.

This was a long one. Sorry.

Next: The Future!

Brink!

Plot: Andy "Brink" Brinker and his friends all enjoy in-line skating. While their rivals, Team X-Bladz (Yup, that's what they're called) are professionally sponsored, Brink's crew are "Soul Skaters". This means they skate for fun instead of money. Because you can't just say you skate for fun if you can make up a silly term for it.  

Brink finds out that his family is having some money troubles, and secretly joins Team Money to help. His friends find out (of course) and are mad at him. Through the magic of plot convenience, the Soul-Skater gang challenge Team Money -specifically Brink- to a race. The leader of Team Money sabotages the race because he's a dick. One of Brink's friends gets injured and now the Soul Train is super mad at Brink.

Brink has a talk with his dad, then quits Team Money and makes nice with his friends. The newly reformed Soul Skaters compete against Team Money and are victorious because of course they are. Hooray for fun!

My thoughts: Is it predictable? Yes, very much so. Is it fun? Yes, very much so.

None of the actors are terrible, and actually do pretty well whenever the script dips into melodrama. The father in particular is excellent, and the lead is so positive and high-spirited that you cannot help but like him. He was also the voice of Sid in Toy Story! So now you know that. 

In fact, almost every character is incredibly likable. Even the skaters from Team Money are not that bad, only their leader. Who is a villainous little shit. 

The skating scenes are handled very well. It captures the motion and energy of the sport, without giving me a headache. You see, in the last few years movies have developed a tendency to have its audience not entirely be able to make out what is happening during an action scene. It gives those scenes a nice "you are there" feel.

Not like this old junk. Pick up the pace, would you?

Having been made before the popularization of split-second edits and shaky camera work, Brink! is resigned to showing how actual skill is involved in aggressive inline skating, and that many of the actors are performing these stunts themselves.

Overall, I ended up enjoying it for what it was. It's formulaic as all-get-out, but it has such heart and a good message ("You are defined by the company you keep and how well you keep it, not by what you happen to do"). If you happen to stumble across it, give it a try.

Next up: Halloweentown. 

You Lucky Dog

Plot: Kirk Cameron plays a dog psychiatrist who used to be able to read dog's minds, but has since lost the ability. He is hired to use his skills to interpret the wishes of Lucky, the titular canine, and recent heir of his master's large fortune. Kirk Cameron begins to regain his ability, and unravels the truth behind the sudden death of Lucky's wealthy owner.

Also, whenever Kirk Cameron reads the mind of the dog, he himself starts behaving like a dog. This last part isn't just a plot point, it's a majority of the film.

My thoughts: I did not like this movie. If you did, well...continue to enjoy this movie! You don't have to agree, or even read what I wrote. Free will, and all that jazz. These 'reviews' (I use this term loosely), are just my observations. I'm sure there are films heading my way on this list that I will enjoy, despite them being quite terrible. Okay, enough disclaimers-

This movie is intended for children. And not for adults. This is, in essence, a live action cartoon. I can see how I might have enjoyed it as a young kid, especially if I had never seen any "human acting like a dog" shtick.

The dog is the best part of the movie, and the second best actor behind Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince. On the other hand, Kirk Cameron fluctuates between boring and absolutely ridiculous. His character is introduced ripping off people by pretending to still have his psychic abilities and nothing redeems him from that during the movie. We just have to follow him throughout the movie while he acts out of his mind. and all the others characters seem just as fed up with him. He is wrong for this role, and it feels written for a much younger actor.

In true DCOM fashion, the villains are complete idiots. And yet, I relished any of their scenes, because it provided some refuge from the absolute insanity of the main story. I almost wanted them to win, and have the dog psychic committed.

Also, I thought Kirk Cameron was having some sort of sexual moment every time he 'channeled' the dog. Well, that's what I get for being way too old for this movie. Even with an understanding of the movies intent and target demographic, it was still too mindless and predictable to be fun.

I'm going to try avoiding writing such negative reviews in the future, because the internet is already up to its neck in an attitude of 'THIS BLOWS'. And I don't want to contribute to that anymore than I have to. I just needed to get it out of my system. Next up: Brink!

Under Wraps

Plot: Three kids accidentally discover a friendly mummy (whom they name Harold) in a neighbors basement. They soon learn that if the mummy is not placed back in his sarcophagus before Halloween, he will...die? It will be bad news, is what I'm saying. So, it's a race against time to return Harold to his coffin and reunite him with his mummy girlfriend. I'm serious.

Pictured: Seriousness

My thoughts: This could have been bad. Really bad. I mean, did you read the plot synopsis? The movie was surprisingly great. Likable characters and decent performances from the kids. I never found the mummy to be too annoying either, which I attribute mostly to great character actor Bill Fagerbakke (the voice of Patrick Star).

This dude. 

There were many funny moments (particularly the dialogue) and some genuinely touching moments as well. Definitely feels more like a Disney Channel product this time, but a clever one. The next one...not nearly as good.

Northern Lights

This movie was slightly obscure. I had to do a little searching to find it. Northern Lights premiered on the Disney Channel in 1997 and is actually based on a one-man play about an eccentric small town. And not based on Nora Roberts' novel about sex in Alaska. Or Phillip Pullman's novel about polar bears and zombie children and awesomeness.

Plot: The story revolves around a tightly wound New Yorker (Diane Keaton) who arrives in a small town where her estranged brother (Tom Cavanagh) lived to attend his funeral after a freak accident. The town and the people are all slightly kooky. After the ceremony, she learns that her brother not only has a son, but that she has been left with the responsibility of caring for the child. She doesn't want to care for this child. And then SPOILERS she changes her mind and does. Twist!

My thoughts: I liked this movie much more the second time. The first time I watched it, I kept waiting for something to happen. The whole feel of the movie gave me the sensation that something magical was going to happen. As if the movie was building to a revelation about the mystical nature of the town and its inhabitants. That never happened, and then the movie was suddenly over. Watching it again, already knowing that there was basically no plot, it became a character study. How these characters interacted with each other. How the people of the town affected the outsiders, as well as the relationship between Diane Keaton and her nephew.

Knowing the source material definitely made it clear that this was meant to be about people, not plot. So if you decide to watch, I have to warn you that the story may feel clunky and kind of thrown together, and the side plots are even less cohesive: the stuff about the northern lights, and the bellhop who looks like a rat (yup, that's a thing) --feel half-baked. Cause they are. Just watch the acting.

The acting is very good. Diane Keaton is great (as always). Tom Cavanaugh plays her brother in a couple of flashbacks, and is perfect for the role. The kid is very, very good and the scenes with him and Keaton are wonderful. The town is this odd mixture of Pleasantville and Twin Peaks. At times it works well, other times it just seems quirky for sake of being quirky (which I sometimes find irksome). The townsfolk are intriguing, but never really fleshed out, so they just remain intriguing.

This doesn't feel like a Disney Channel original movie at all. It is certainly a movie that Disney would make, but it doesn't seem to have that Disney brand over everything. It's not full of Disney Channel actors, it takes it's time, it's pretty much a drama. It's almost as if the production team got this idea, and made this little movie, but then Disney had no idea how to market it, so they just put it away on TV. And I'm glad they did, because then it feels like this little strange gem that got hidden away on basic cable. It is quaint, and it is intriguing, and it's just delightfully atypical. So if you're curious, feel free to check it out. And tell me what you think!

The Disney Channel Original Movie

I'm going to look at Disney Channel Original Movies. Why? Because I'm bored. And I have a fondness for pop culture. And screw you. I don't have to explain myself! Anyways...

There are certain channels like Sci-Fi, Lifetime, or Hallmark that have garnered a certain expectation with the original movies they produce. Mainly the expectation of unintentional hilarity and/or sappiness. The Disney Channel Original Movies seem to invoke a response of fondness for them-even while acknowledging their silliness. These movies (and The Disney Channel itself) are relatively new arrivals to the world of pop culture, but something that summons such strong nostalgia to this newest generation of adults may be worth taking a look at. Also, they are silly and that is usually fun.

Personally, I have not seen as many Disney Channel Original Movies as others, and the last one I saw was a few  years ago. So, I'm curious. As an adult (technically, not emotionally), will I like these movies? Are they any good? And not just for children, but for anyone. What was it about those movies that made them enjoyable, and are they still as enjoyable now? First up: Northern Lights.

I whip out John Carpenter’s Thing

I've woken up early (before noon), so I decide to spend the couple of extra hours I have achieved doing something productive. But before I do that I decide to watch John Carpenter’s The Thing on Instant Netflix. The plan has been to gear up for Halloween by watching a slew of horror movies. How much is a slew? Five? Anyway…

I already know a bit about the film before starting. I know it’s from the 80’s and starring Kurt Russell. I know it’s about a group of people somewhere cold who somehow come into contact with—you guessed it—a thing. This thing is not nice and it can take on the form of any living organism. I check Rotten Tomatoes and it’s certified “Fresh” (Rotten Tomatoes is not the gospel for me , but it’s usually a pretty good indicator). I start the movie. 

Minor Spoilers Ahead (at least first 30 minutes of film)

The first thing I take of note of is in the credits: Ennio Morricone is the film composer, which is odd for a John Carpenter film, but exciting because Morricone has written some amazing scores (including a little thing called The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly theme). Now of course I realize that this movie won’t exactly have many places for a grand, sweeping score like The Untouchables or Cinema Paradiso, but Morricone does his job well. The score is consistent, understated, and absolutely assists the mood and momentum of the film. 

A flying saucer is heading toward earth. Wait, what? Is this set in the 1950s? Apparently, no. It’s 1982. A helicopter flies over Antarctica  searching for something. The helicopter seem to be following a dog. Doggie! Then one of the men pulls out a gun and starts shooting at the dog. I am upset, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I had that breed of dog as a child. Nothing at all...

It turns out that the “group of people somewhere cold” is a scientific research team (and a sausage fest). These guys are busy doing unscientific, male things: drinking, playing ping pong, getting angry at women—when they are distracted by the canine killing helicopter headed toward them. The helicopter, which they recognize to be Norwegian, lands and the two men get out. The pilot drops a grenade he intended to kill the dog with, promptly blowing himself up—along with the helicopter. Being a LOST fan, I call this "pulling an Artz". The other Norwegian with the gun tries to get the dog away from the team, but is unable to communicate in English. And even though he sounds terrified, I’m assuming that the Americans just hear the Swedish Chef. When he starts shooting again, he is promptly shot by the station commander.

Although Team America wants to dismiss the Nordic incident as “cabin fever” and play with their new canine companion, they cannot reach anyone on the outside world (Horror Requirement # 1) so the doctor and the pilot fly over to the Norwegian camp to use their radio. But when they arrive, the camp has gone to hell—which probably means no radio—so now they have to bring back something cool to make up for it. Meanwhile, the dog wanders the station with shifty eyes while the chef, who is a black man (Horror Requirement # 2) roller-blades, listens to Stevie Wonder, and defies the white man--stereotypical chef things.

At this point it's safe to say I no longer trust the dog. I guess I never did, but seeing what happened at the Norwegian camp and how vehemently they wanted to kill the dog only affords two explanations—1) The dog destroyed the camp or 2) The dog knew too much (like Norway’s missile launch codes or something). I’m going with the first one. 

The two men who went to radio return, and they have indeed brought something back. What it is, however, is hard to define. It seems to be a burnt and mangled corpse, but it has two heads and doesn't seem quite human. As they unload the bizarre remains from their chopper, the dog watches from a window, saying “Shit! I knew I should have hid that better”. Okay, the dog doesn't say anything—but that dog looks goddamn guilty. 

A good ole’ autopsy confirms what I suspected: The body is —what? Normal? It seems to be normal on the inside? Normal?? Look at it!! Despite my suggestion, the scientists say “that’s enough weird stuff for one day” and resume guy stuff: drinking, playing pool, playing poker. When the dog spooks the researcher (who seems to be suffering PTSD from being grazed by a bullet), they ask their sled-dog handler to put him away with the other dogs. As soon as the handler leaves, the shifty looking dog begins transforming into the stuff of nightmare (again, attempting to destroy my childhood).

The men are alarmed by the sound of the other dogs getting their asses handed to them, so they grab their flamethrowers and head on down to the kennel. Yes, the scientists have flamethrowers because awesome. No more questions, this is a horror movie. So after a second disgusting autopsy, the doctors determine that the dog is actually a thing. It is a life form that can absorb and then perfectly imitate any other life form…including people. Cue Paranoia. 

I don’t really want to go into detail about the rest of the film, telling you who the Thing poses as, if anyone survives, if there any more doggies or Norwegians—because I would like you to watch it. The special effects are fantastic (in a sickening sort of way), but the gripping tension of “who can I trust?” holds up as well.

The Thing did not do well at the box office, but I think the fact that it was competing with E.T. The Extra Terrestrial and Blade Runner may have had something to do with it. 

Additional ramblings

·       This film bares strong resemblances to The Shining (cold, no radio, wielding of axes) and Alien, which also did a fantastic job of the monster being scary when you don’t see it AND scary when you do. Note: Both of these films predate The Thing. If you have not seen either one, please do—if only for pop cultures’ sake. 

·       Kurt Russell auditioned for Han Solo, but lost the role to Harrison Ford (who starred in Blade Runner. Hmm…) 

·       There are two doctors in this film (and two black people. Carpenter clearly overstocked on his Horror Requirements). One of the doctors was a founding member of A.C.T in San Francisco; the other is the guy on TV who tells you about Diabetes. 

·     If you think movies are mindless entertainment, and you would rather have your neurons firing while you crap your pants, then you are in luck! The Thing is based on the 1938 science fiction novella Who Goes There? by John W. Campbell Jr.